The challenge of learning to enjoy for enjoyment’s sake

I have my favourites, Valentina Lisitsa, Yujia Wang and (heads and shoulders above everyone else) Freddy Kempf.

I’ve watched and listened to this exact performance hundreds of times.

The Pathetique

It was my signature piece at the time I stopped. More than a decade has passed.

I made a little acquisition recently, I am in limerence. It is the absolute best sounding, feeling upright I have ever touched. It is better than a former parlor grand Steinway. It is so wonderful.

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It has been a curious thing, learning to play for one’s self, one’s own enjoyment. In brief moments, my head is full of judgement. A voice inside is just horrified at how bad I am, how very very awful, how terrible I’m nowhere near where I am supposed to be. My fingers are stiff, clumsy and raw. I picked up the Pathetique once more and am stumbling around the first movement.

Then I remember there’s no one here, and I am simply enjoying my love.

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